


Living With a Lie

by Spin_a_tale_for_the_world



Category: P - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3528560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spin_a_tale_for_the_world/pseuds/Spin_a_tale_for_the_world
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has secrets, even Jess, but only one secret could prove truly dangerous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this is set after season 4 episode 6, so you won't understand what's going on if you haven't seen it yet. I'm hoping to post at least once or twice a week. Let me know if you like it!

     Becker sat staring at the same gun he’d cleaned twice already. After a very quiet car ride back to the ARC, he and Jess had just spent the last two hours debriefing Lester on the little bomb incident at Ethen’s hideout. A great deal of that had been dealing with Lester’s sarcastic barbs on going into a dangerous situation without proper backup. The fact that Jess had brilliantly saved the day helped their situation a little, still Lester pointed out that she shouldn’t have been in the field.

     _He’s right_ a part of Becker’s mind said. He’d nearly gotten Jess killed because he didn’t send her home after she’d shown up. Becker tried to forget the close call, and how it had felt to hold Jess for the few moments after she thrown her arms around his neck in relief, or how soft her hair had been in his hands. Becker shook the memory from his mind before it could go any further and started cleaning the nearest gun, only to realize it was the same gun. He threw the rag down in disgust and ran his fingers threw his short hair with a groan. Putting the guns away gave him the opportunity to slam the cabinet doors closed with helped his mood a bit, but not completely. He leaned on the back of the nearest chair and rubbed a hand over his face. He needed to hit something else. Maybe it would help him forget just how scared he had felt when Jess pulled the cover off the bomb and then refused to leave.

     The gym was quiet. There was just enough light to illuminate the punching bag in the corner, which looked like a promising solution to his rising aggression level. Soon the sounds of fists pounding against leather echoed in quiet halls of the ARC. His emotions boiled to the surface as he pounded away at the hard leather bag. He’d been so close to failing, and he had the feeling if he lost Jess it would be far worse than all the other’s put together.He’d begged her to leave, well as close to begging as he would ever get, but she was too stubborn. It was his job to risk his life, not hers. He hit the bag as hard as he could, making it swing as far as the chain would allow. He hit it over and over, ignoring the shockwaves rippling up his already fatigued arms.

     “Becker?” He spun around towards the voice only to be smacked in the side as the bag came swinging back his way.

     “Ow,” he groaned rubbing his shoulder. He hadn’t noticed until now just how sore it was from keeping the counter weight from hitting the floor until now. Jess winced.

     “Sorry,” She paused,“I seem to be saying that to you a lot lately.” Becker shrugged and hit the bag again. Just seeing Jess here was enough to bring back the memories from the warehouse. He hated that he’d been stupid enough to walk into a trap that should have been so obvious. He’d gone back over the CCTV footage and realized that Ethan had looked right at the camera. The bastard had actually smiled! Taunting him! Becker threw another punch.

     “Becker.”

     “What?” He said turning around quickly, realizing that he had completely tuned her out while raging away in his head.

     “Your hands are bleeding.” She said pointing to his balled up fists. Becker looked at his hands in shock to see that she was right, he’d pounded the bag so hard that his knuckles had split. Blood was dripping onto the wrestling mat beneath his feet.

     “Becker?” He felt her hand on him arm and realized he’d been staring at the spot on the punching bag that was smeared with his blood. Jess lead him over to the bench he had set his water and towels on and pushed him down. He sat with a soft thud while Jess straddled the bench next to him and started cleaning his hands with the supplies from the med kit she must have pulled out when he’d been off in his own world. After a minute Becker looked over at Jess, who had her head bent over his hand intent on her task.  She was to gentle and compassionate to be in the field. Becker frowned as images of her standing next to the bomb meant to obliterate the building rushed into his head.

“You should have left.” Becker said curtly when she reached for a piece of gauze. Jess looked up at him her eyes going wide in surprise and confusion. Becker stood and walked back towards the punching bag that was still swinging slightly.

     “When?” Jess asked edging closer like she’d seen Abby do with agitated animals in the menagerie. Becker had turned his attention back to the bag and wouldn’t look at her.

     “When I told you to leave,” Becker said punching the bag again, “next time follow my orders.” Jess waited until the chains had stopped jingling to reply.

     “I’m not one of your soldiers Becker.” She said and winced when Becker hit the bag again even harder than before.

     “Then stay in the ARC next time!” He shouted advancing a step. Surprised Jess stumbled back encumbered by her heels, nearly falling before she caught herself. Becker stopped immediately regretting his harsh tone.

     “Bloody hell. Jess, I’m sorry.” He looked at the floor not wanting to see the fear in her eyes that he knew was there. He felt Jess carefully take his hand and lead him back to the bench. They sat in silence while Jess disinfected and wrapped his hands. After his blood stained hands had been seen to Jess got up to return the med kit to the shelf behind them.

     “I don’t think I can lose anyone else Jess,” he said quietly. Instantly regretting actually saying the words out loud, he dropped his head not wanting her to see the vulnerability in his eyes. Part of him hoped she hadn’t heard him and would think he was just bowing his head in exhaustion. Another part wanted her to see right through him. Her heels tapped on the cement behind him and slowly her arms wrapped around his neck in silent support. They stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying the sensation of being that close.

     “Go home and get some rest,” she whispered in his ear, the warmth of her breath tickling his ear. “You look exhausted.”

Becker looked up at her and realized that she had heard his confession, but was pretending she hadn’t.

     “Jess,” he said as he turned on the bench to face her. His eyes were drawn to the point near her stomach where she fiddled with the long necklace she must have put on before the video conference wedding. Becker frowned as he saw fading blue marks on her small wrists, just barely peeking out from under her security bracelet.

     “Where did you get that bruise Jess?” He asked carefully taking her hand to better see the mark. Jess quickly drew her hand out of reach and used it to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

     “I must have bumped it when I thought I’d set off the bomb.” She said, not meeting his gaze. She started gathering her things, which Becker hadn’t even realized were there. Her bright purple phone rang as she reached for it and Becker could have sworn she looked frightened as she stared at the number on the caller I.D.

     “You alright Jess,” He asked, a little disconcerted at the feelings washing over him. He reached for the phone not really sure what he was going to do, but needing to wipe the fear from her face. Jess was faster. She had the phone safely tucked into her purse faster than he would have thought she could move.

     “I’m fine,” she said, “I should get home before Conner and Abby decide to send a search party after me.” She said a small smile playing at her lips, inviting him to join her in the joke, and started towards the door. She turned back after a few feet and quickly pressed her lips against his cheek.

     “Goodnight,” She said and walked out the door, leaving Becker standing alone in the darkened gym.


	2. Chapter 2

**Jess’ POV**

Jess hugged her bag tighter to her side, knowing the phone was going to go off again at any minute and walked quickly down the hall, away from Becker before she could change her mind and go running back to throw herself into his arms, confessing everything.  The ringing that she’d learned to hate was deafening in the silent hall. _Oh God,_ she thought cringing, _I thought this was over._

Jess looked over her shoulder and saw Becker standing by the gym door watching her leave, a familiar frown creasing his forehead. She managed to flash a brilliant smile and a wave, but kept walking. Her plans for the night had been to finish up some paperwork and head home, hopefully missing most of the now incessant calls and texts. But then she’d heard the pounding of the punching bag and her curiosity had gotten the better of her. Jess had felt her heart ache when she’d seen Becker pounding away at the bag, apparently oblivious to the blood being beaten into the aged leather. It wasn’t in her heart to leave when he looked so lost. It was a side of Becker that she’d never seen before and she doubted anyone else had either. He wanted to protect the world and normally she’d want that protection in a heartbeat, but right then she felt like she needed to protect him. There were a few moments when she’d been bandaging his hands, and feeling his gaze on her, that she’d wanted to tell him about her problem, but she didn’t want her personal life to interfere with her work life. The ARC was the only place she had left where she could pretend there was nothing wrong outside in the normal world. So she stayed silent. She’d lose her safe haven soon enough when the others found out what was going on.It would happen sooner rather than later now that Abby and Connor had become her flat mates. She could only stay optimistic and bubbly for so much longer before the veneer of her mask began to crack.

A familiar ringtone broke the silence in the empty parking garage, making her jump. She reached into her bag, digging through a few papers, her wallet and a chocolate bar to find the damn thing, only to begin shaking as she recognized the number on the screen.

“Stop calling me!” She screamed into the phone as soon as she hit the talk button.  She tossed the phone back in her bag like it might bite her and pushed the unlock button on her car alarm. Jess jumped into the driver’s seat and began to shake. The tears she was fighting were already spilling onto her cheeks. Her forehead settled on the steering wheel as the stress of the last few months poured out of her body through her tears. She didn’t understand why this was happening. She’d already changed her personal phone number twice, but nothing seemed to work. Sobs subsided into silence as Jess brought herself back under control and put the car into gear and looked over her shoulder and pulled out of the parking space, desperate to get home. She would be safe at home.

The drive home became tense as her phone went off yet again. The ringing disappeared as the call went to her inbox and Jess found herself dreading the sharp ping that would alert her to a new voicemail. Jess jumped when it actually came, nearly veering into the next lane.  Jess straightened the car and focused on getting back to her flat, which was just a block away. Her small blue sedan pulled into the well-lit parking garage and parked in the closest spot she could find to the lifts, then she was at her front door in seconds her keys already in her hands. A sigh of relief pass her lips as the door lock clicked shut. She dropped her bag on the kitchen counter, doing her best to be quiet since Connor and Abby were most likely sleeping in the other room. Jess glanced at the large computer sitting in the main room debating whether she should check her mail or leave it for the morning. The large clock in the kitchen read 12:00, making up her mind for her. The fluffy queen sized bed was calling her name. As she passed the doorway into her room she didn’t hear the alert from the computer telling her she had a new message.

Jess woke the next morning to a quiet argument coming from the main area of the flat. She frowned hoping that Connor hadn’t done something silly again and gotten Abby mad at him. After using the bathroom and showering Jess decided she couldn’t put off interrupting the argument any longer, because she could really use a cup of tea at the moment.  She tried to sneak out of her room as quietly as possible, but was caught rather quickly.

“Hey Jess, come here for a minute.” Connor called from his seat at the computer, Abby stood next to him her arms crossed in front of her chest. Jess dragged her feet as she walked away from the kettle that would make her longed for cup of tea.

“I know,” she said, “I’d make a horrible thief or spy. I’ve never been a very quiet walker.” Jess’ smile faltered when neither of her flat mates smiled.

“Look at this,” Connor said seriously pointing at the computer monitor. Jess took everything seriously when Connorlost his sense of humor and looked at what he pointed at.

**_IM from Together Forever:_ **

**_We belong together. Don’t try and stop what’s meant to be._ **

Jess stared at the words on the screen and felt the walls she’d built around the ARC beginning to fall away. Abby reached out and put her arms around Jess’ shoulders, while Conner looked at her with his eyes full of honest concern.

“Jess,” Abby said, “What’s going on.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! I am so sorry to anyone who was waiting for an update! I hadn't realized I'd stopped updating the story! I'm working on my doctorate and got a little distracted. Thank you Cyra from bringing it to my attention! I'll be doing my best to update at least one chapter a week. Enjoy!

**Jess’ POV**

Jess walked into the ARC the next morning feeling sick to her stomach. Abby and Connor knew everything now that they'd dragged the truth from her. She had managed to convince them not to say anything by telling them that she wasn't in any real danger since he hadn't made any real threats. Connor and Abby hadn't seemed convinced, but when she put on her famous puppy dog eyes they caved. Connor had spent the car ride over typing away on his laptop in silence, and Abby had kept throwing her concerned glances as she drove.  It was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to happen. She went for the lift as soon as the car had turned off hoping to avoid sharing with Abby and Connor. When the lift doors closed with her as the only occupant she let out a sigh of relief. She really wanted to cry, but that would mean having to explain why her makeup had gotten messed between the car and the ADD. Jess took a few deep breaths to steady herself for what to come and stepped out into the ops center when the doors opened.

When Jess saw Becker sitting at one of the desks near the ADD, his hands still covered with her bandages her heart skipped a beat. He was once again the consummate soldier, without a trace of the pain and rage she’d seen last night. She turned on Connor who had just caught up to her and pulled him to a stop while they were still out of the soldier’s earshot.

“Not a word to anyone, especially Becker. You promised,” She said, poking him hard in the chest with each word. Connor rubbed the spot wincing.

“But…” the shrill alarm from the ADD cut Connor off and Jess had never been more relieved to hear that sound. She trotted over to the mega computer as quickly as she could in her purple heels and sat, instantly typing furiously at the keyboard.

“What do we have Jess,” Becker said leaning over her chair to get a better look at the screens. Jess nearly jumped out of her skin, that man moved to quietly for her nerves sometimes.

“Anomaly detected. It looks like it’s at the British library.” Jess told him, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks by ducking her head to the keyboard. Becker grabbed the nearest black box.

“Maybe the creatures need a lesson in literature,” he said dryly. Connor chuckled next to him, and they both headed for the parking garage. Connor paused and came back to put a hand on her shoulder.

“We’re talking about this when we get back,” for once Connor looked almost as intimidating as Becker, which was not an easy thing to do. Jess did her best to glare at him, but Connor just smiled and sprinted off after Becker. Jess watched them go wondering what else Connor wanted to talk about. He and Abby had promised not to tell anyone, so there was nothing else to talk about. Right?

“Any signs of creatures yet Jess?” The team leader’s voice was short and clipped like always when it came through the coms. Jess sighed and turned back to the ADD.

“One sec. I’m almost in the security system,” Jess hit a few more keys and the security camera feed was showing live on the collection of screens in front of her. “I don’t see any signs of an incursion yet, but I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”

“Thanks Jess,” Matt said.

“Be careful guys,” Jess said. She heard Becker chuckle in her ear making her shiver pleasantly despite the chaos in her life.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Connor asked. Jess could almost see Becker smirking behind Connor.

“Not being eaten?”

“Good point.”

*****

**Becker’s POV**

Becker cracked a few jokes with his men in the car, but his heart really wasn’t in it. He really hoped they didn’t have to come across any creatures right now, his head was in the wrong place today. The team piled out of the black SUV and headed for the front entrance of the Library, weapons at the ready.  Becker tilted his head from side to side trying to relieve the tension that had built up from a night on the couch in the barracks. He’d spent the night at the ARC rather than go home to his empty flat. He wasn’t sure why the idea of going home last night had been so distasteful, but he knew the only things keeping him from returning to the punching bag were the bandages Jess had wrapped around his torn knuckles. He glanced down at the dressings and mentally cursed himself for letting her see him like that. People were supposed to be able to trust him with their lives, how would they feel if they knew how close he’d come to breaking last night. He wondered how Jess saw him now.

“Looks like you can come home now guys,” Jess’ voice came over the coms wrenching Becker out of his thoughts, “The anomaly just closed. I’ll go back through the CCTV footage and see if any creatures got through.” Becker released a sigh of relief.

“Excellent,” Lester’s voice in their ears caused everyone to jump and look at each other in shock, Lester never came on the com system if he could avoid it. Judging from the startled squeak that had followed, Jess had been surprised as well. A smile tugged at his lips when he imagined the wide eyed look on her face, before Lester spoke again. “Matt, you and Becker are going to have to clear the building. Connor, I just received your email about Ms. Parker’s situation.”

“Connor! You promised!” Jess’ outraged voice told Becker this was something big. He frowned and turned to Connor.

“What situation?” He mouthed. Becker saw that Matt was looking at Connor with what might be a look of concern on what was normally a pretty damn good poker face.

“Tell you later,” Connor mouthed back. Becker was about to try and force it out of Connor when Lester interrupted him.

“Connor and Abby, I want you in my office within the next five minutes along with Ms. Parker.”

“But sir…”

“Now Ms. Parker.” Lester’s tone brokered no argument, which surprised Becker because Jess was the only person Lester seemed to actually like. “Matt? Becker?”

“Understood sir,” Becker said curtly at the same time Matt did. He didn’t really understand, but that was what Lester wanted to hear. Connor went to find Abby, who had gone around the other side of the library. Matt and Becker walked carefully down the halls clearing each room and alcove.

“Any idea what that was about?” Matt asked him as they rounded a corner.

“Not a clue, but I plan on finding out.”

     An hour later Becker stood outside Lester’s office watching the events inside unfold. Jess sat with her head down as Connor and Lester went over something on the computer. Abby was leaning against the glass wall watching Jess with concerned eyes. Becker shifted his weight, anxious to know what was going on, wanting to wipe the look of fear and sadness from Jess’ face. When Lester said something that made Jess bury her face in her hand, Becker gave up the fight. He pushed off the railing he’d been leaning and walked into the office. Lester looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

     “Ah yes Becker, perfect timing.” He said. Becker snuck a look at Jess just in time to catch her looking at him, she looked away quickly. But Becker still saw the tears streaming down her face. Every instinct he knew he had roared to life, demanding he do something.

     “What’s going on sir?” He asked Lester.

“It seems Ms. Parker has a stalker.”


End file.
